who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We left an ass print on the piano.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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