This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
