Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
