would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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