My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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