and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
