Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
