Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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