you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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