i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
