well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
