I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
