he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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