if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you never un-have a 4some
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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