Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
