Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
