I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Rumble strips road head = magical
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
