The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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