I have demons in me.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
