Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
