Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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