She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
