she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
