Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
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The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
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Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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