Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She just used a chaser for red wine.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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