The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I stole a fireplace last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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