There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
