oh god the rape fog is back!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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