Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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