I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
