When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
