I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
