He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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