You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
