he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
