a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ketchup is God's man juice
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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