So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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