I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
