3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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