There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
