No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
