he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Someone signed my nipple.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
