have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
