I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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