dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
