after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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