yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize