Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
