there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
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then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.