Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The best revenge is premature balding
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
