it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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