all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
