I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
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It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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