Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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