I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
