I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
