Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't deserve a penis
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
