we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
