We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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