why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
