that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
