break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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