I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
