Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
