is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
