She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
