Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
