Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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