I just pynch a tree in the face
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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