At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
