For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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