we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
