he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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